Philosophy

The fear of dying is almost assuredly universal and probably increases for most people as they get older. But what are some of the factors that contribute to this fear? The fear of the process may actually be worse than the product when it comes to dying. One reason is that it is so hard to get any one to talk about death, at least directly. It’s hard for many people to even say the words death and dying. Often they are referred to as, “passing on” or, “gone to a better place.” In fact most people will talk about sex or money before they will death. But if they do and you ask them how they would want to die, most people say the perfect scenario would be to die one night in their sleep - just go to sleep and painlessly during the night, it’s over. And, oh by the way, can you let me know about five years ahead of time so I can get ready. But as I watch people die, I notice that some people seem to die easier than others.

By dying easy, I mean they have a sense of ease about dying, they have worked through the process, and seem to be prepared for it. Others seem to die hard, and I don’t necessarily mean physically. There is a sense of anger, denial, and sometimes bitterness. They may even die alone with little family or social support. The more I think about it, being prepared seems to be a big part of it. And denying it is going to happen or putting off dealing with important issues only seem to make the process harder. It’s like my grandmother used to say, “One road is as good as another if you don’t know where you’re going.”

Being prepared sounds like they had a job to do and they did it. And I’m not sure that characterization is far off. Throughout your life you have life stages to go through and jobs to accomplish. When you are school age, your role is to be a student and your job is to go to school. After you marry, your job is to become a parent and assume those responsibilities. And throughout your life you assume many roles. Many of the problems a person has in their life can relate to how they have successfully completed a life stage and how these stages build upon each other. Trying to assume the responsibilities of one stage before you complete an earlier one is often a recipe for disaster. For instance, having a child before you complete high school is extremely difficult. It’s no wonder that situations like this create long term hardships.

And this is one of the difficulties in dealing with death, and why most people would be better served to begin to deal with this process, even now. No one knows when it’s going to happen. They know it’s out there, but for most people they think it’s way out there. But what if it’s not way out there, but right around the corner. We see people die at literally every age, and often remark how unfair it is. And, it is, often cruelly unfair. But, wouldn’t it be better to be prepared?

Earlier I talked about wanting to know ahead of time when you were going to die, and how nice that would be. Sometimes that is the case, and I was one of the lucky ones. About five years ago I received a diagnosis from the doctor and I have been going through my own personal process of discovery ever since. And I say lucky ones, because I asked for five years to get ready and received it. And do you know one of the things I found out? If you prepare like you’re going to die in five years, and then you live past that time, you feel like you’re way ahead of the game. It’s all gravy. So I encourage you to think about beginning this process for yourself, and this is one of the purposes of this web site, to provide you with the resources to do this.

This web site is designed to be a collaborative process. No one has all the answers, but between all of us, we have many of them. You may have dealt with grief and loss in your life and have something that will help others going through this process. Together we may be able to help others.

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