I once read that our lives are like books. They are made up not of days and weeks and years, but of chapters -- just like a book. Some of the chapters in our lives are very short; some are very long. Each chapter is a separate unit, and yet, each chapter is also part of the whole story of our lives. You can't leave a chapter out in a book or change it without losing the meaning of the whole story.
I really like this idea. I like to think of the chapters in the book of my own life -- and there are a lot of chapters now -- with titles like: Getting Married, Having Children, What It's Like to Have Handicapped Children, Going to College at 35, Finding God’s Purpose For My Life, and Dealing With A Chronic Illness. And the older I get, the more I like the book idea, especially as I get to the final chapter of my life.
Much of my adult life has centered around my relationship with Christ and trying to find God’s purpose for my life. I received Christ as my Lord and Savior at the start of my senior year in high school. Shortly after that time, I began to sense the fact that Christ was calling me to work full-time in a church vocation. The church I was attending was so small that our staff consisted of a pastor and a part-time music director. As this was my only association with church ministry, and I could not sing, I assumed that God was calling me to be a pastor. But soon after I left for college, I found out that this was not to be my area of service. I was devastated to realize I was not going to fulfill this call. I was still a young Christian and unable to see that God could still want me to serve him in an area of ministry that I was unaware of. I was so discouraged and began to think that maybe I was unworthy of being used by God in full-time service. I returned home after one year unsure of where I stood in relation to my call to serve God.
I was still unaware of the many ways in which God could use people for ministry, and I married my wife, Lee Anne, and resigned myself to the fact that I could still serve God as a layman. I began work in the golf business and soon afterward our daughter April was born. Six years later, our twin daughters Jennifer and Jessica were born, and everything seemed fine. We were active in church and I was happy in my job. As the twins were approaching their first birthday, my wife and I began to notice they were not progressing as quickly as we thought they should. We were to find out they were severely mentally retarded, even though there were no outward signs to indicate this; they appeared totally healthy.
For the next ten years I was completely unconcerned with God and the church. To put it mildly, I was not happy with God and felt we did not deserve this burden. Not only that, I was determined to hide my emotions and not show others the pain I was going through. But, slowly I began to work through my feelings and God began to talk to me again about what he wanted me to do with my life. Since my early college days, I had become aware of the many other vocations in the church. But, I was hesitant to even think about the possibility of pursuing such a career because I was 35 years old with basically no college education, and happy with my work. In my wisdom, I could not see how this was going to work. As God began to deal with me, I decided to go to college in the spring of 1987 knowing there were at least four hard years ahead of me. But, I had told God that the responsibility was on Him because I knew I could not do it on my own.
Through God's help, I was able to finish my college degree while still continuing to work full time. I received my undergraduate degree in 1989 and my Master's degree in therapeutic recreation in 1991. I was on staff at two churches over the next few years and was eventually led to begin working full-time in the health care field again working with clients with Alzheimer’s. and again I began to settle in to serving God as a layman. The girls’ health began to deteriorate and Jessica died in 1995 and Jennifer followed her to heaven in 1999. At about the same time, I was diagnosed with lymphoma and over the last four years have been diagnosed with a number of autoimmune system disorders. I have been trying to adjust to living with a disability and each year watching as my abilities deteriorate further, but I have discovered a wonderful truth again. In all things, God’s grace is sufficient. It releases in us a power that we didn’t know we had and gets us through our trials. Not only do we get through it, but we might also learn something that will help us in our life later on. I think it’s true that when you’ve gone through your worst trials that’s when you learn God’s greatest lessons. During those times you learn something about God’s character, or you get a fresh word from Him that is able to sustain you, and you develop a greater intimacy in your relationship with Him.
As I get closer to the final chapter in my personal book, it is remarkable how much of my life has centered around trying to find God’s purpose in that book. It many ways it has been the most important chapter. The other day I was reading the Bible and I was just impressed with the thought that this is God’s story. In its basic form, it’s a narrative about God. Now there are a lot of other people in the book. Noah is in the book. Abraham is in the book, as well as David, Ruth, Peter, John, Paul, and all of the other people mentioned there. They all had a part in the story, but the story is really about God and the ultimate gift of His love toward us, His son Jesus. But the Bible is only a story from the beginning of time until the time the Bible was published. There is an additional story from that time until now and each of us have a place in that story. No one really knows what heaven will exactly be like because the Bible is largely silent about that. But what if one of the things we do when we get to heaven is to read everyone else’s book, and what part they had in God’s story. Or maybe it will be in video form. And then I thought, “How long is my book (or video) going to be?” It might be so short that if you blinked you might miss it, and would I be embarrassed for anyone to see it.
These are just some of the highlights of my life , but I think they give you some insight on the things that have shaped my life and thinking. Jesus Christ is not simply one element of a balanced life but the center from which an abundant life grows. We as individuals must decide if we are going to run our own lives or choose a Christ-centered life style. God, the Master Planner, the Master Editor, takes these chapters and puts them together, and makes them into a finished book -- a book that is a complete story and makes complete sense. So here lately I been thinking about my book and asking God to write his thoughts on the tablet of my heart so that I might have a place in His book.
